New Book Offers Insights for "Good Divorce": Splitopia

Divorce brings inevitable challenges, but also very avoidable pain. Splitopia offers a road map for getting through, called Seven Principles of Parting:

1. Commit to self-compassion
2. Take ownership of the future and the past
3. Don't confuse filing with closure
4. Build a tool kit for the transition
5. Combat Anger with Empathy
6. Resist the Urge to Compare
7. Create Positive Moments

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/splitopia-dispatches-from-todays-good-divorce-and-how-to-part-well-300239523.html

Conscious Coupling:  Prenup 101

So, what exactly is a prenup?  

A prenuptial agreement is a private contract between two people planning to get married. The agreement typically sets out what will happen to certain assets, debts, and earnings in case of divorce or death.

The written prenup document is not filed with the court - each spouse keeps a copy of it. If the couple later divorces, they can use the prenup as the basis of a divorce agreement. For instance, if they agreed to each keep their own retirement funds (what they had before they got married), that’s what goes into the divorce agreement. 

If the couple disagrees about how the prenup applies in the divorce, the prenup document can be introduced as evidence in court. For instance, they may have agreed in the prenup that one spouse would keep the marital home if they ever divorced.  Then, at the time of the divorce, let's say the home is in disrepair and the mortgage is underwater. If the couple now disagrees about what should happen to that house, a judge can decide whether to enforce the prenup.  

Prenups ARE for Lovers/Conscious Coupling

I love this book for anyone thinking about getting married. Arlene G. Dubon’s “Prenups for Lovers” is engaging and informative.  She makes a great case for how prenups can stimulate communication, thus “enhancing the prospects of a happy marriage.”

Conscious Coupling

(a series on prenups)

Most soon-to-be-married people hate the idea of prenups – they think it’s about planning to get divorced. In reality, the process of creating a good prenuptial agreement may strengthen and ultimately save marriages that would otherwise fail.

 Disagreement and stress about finances is the leading cause of divorce. So it makes sense that anyone planning a wedding should also be very consciously how to be financially married. Talking through all things financial and how you want to merge (or not) your finances is a smart way to start.

 A very good way consciously create your new financial life is by creating a prenuptial agreement. This document, and the work that goes into it, does not have to be only about what happens should you later divorce. A good prenup, especially one reached through Collaborative Process, can clarify and bring light to otherwise murky areas.

 I recently attended an advanced workshop on creating prenups through Collaborative Process. In this series I’ll look at:

The Nuts and Bolts: What exactly is a Prenuptial Agreement?
Good Candidates for Prenups: Who should not get married without one?
Why a Collaborative Prenup: What makes Collaborative a better way to reach agreement?